365 Days

365 DAYS

          365 days ago I met the most important person I’ve ever met in my life. What started out as just casual conversation has sparked into the relationship of a life time. A relationship that has had as many ups as it has downs. A relationship that has made us do some pretty stupid shit, but most of it has been in the name of love. A relationship where I know… he’s the only one.

          If you were to have asked me at this time last year “you think you’ll find the future Mr. Huelsman?” I would have said hell no. On October 26, 2009, I was browsing a dating site… .and came across a man named Julius… rare name, I liked it. The picture was of his head; the background black and white, but the eyes… such a beautiful shade of bright blue. It was almost like they were calling me in. After reading his bio and realizing that he was on another continent, I sent him…

hey. read your ad. took me a minute to figure out where you were, then my stupidness left me and i understood hehe. thats gotta be really tough sooo far away. im in pittsburgh, but im from cleveland ohio, i feel sorry for ya. 

hope you're having fun though. if you are then thats what counts. hope all goes well for you. i mean it. Seeya

A few hours later… I got a response back from this… Julius, character…

I'm doing fine. thank you for your corncern. although its a little lonely, not being able to interact with the majority of the people. i am still having fun in such a new environment. 

lets have a chat sometime online. we can swap stories. 
Until next time, good-bye. 

… And so began a two month period of time in which we talked on and off. I will admit, at first he didn’t really treat me well. In fact he was a douche… but there was something about him… something that kept drawing me closer to this person. While he was making a horrible impression, I liked him… I liked the fact he was there, always willing to talk.

          About a month later I met my first boyfriend, Brett, on this same website. We started talking and he was a hell of a lot nicer, more talkative… soon we began to develop feelings for each other and when I returned home for winter break we started going out. We ended up dating for about a month.. before he brought the relationship down. I was too loving, affectionate, caring…. bull fucking shit, people kill to have that in relationships.

          One of the first people I told was Julius and while he had shown kindness before, this was the first time he showed me that he cared. He was soo sweet… afraid to leave me alone, always asking what he can do to help. It was then that I realized that this guy, who only two months before had an utter distain for me, actually liked me an cared about me.

          In the weeks after, we began talking more and more than we ever did. Every time he’d pop up online I’d get excited. We began to slowly become closer and closer. Julius was drawing pictures of me… for me and I thought that it was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I’d talk to him every chance I got to. I would even stay up to the wee hours of the morning… just to tell him good morning. My feelings for him grew stronger and deeper… but I admit, I was afraid.

          Julius had started to make me feel special in ways that Brett never even reached. I knew Julius’ feelings were true and as strong as mine, but what scared me the most wasn’t that I was falling for an amazing person, but that I was falling for an amazing person who I might not ever be able to hold in my arms.

          Without his knowing at the time, I started looking around locally. People would pop up, but only last a week or so… but no matter what, Julius was there, always. I would have small time flings with guys but I always came back to this stranger I met online.

          It wasn’t til Febuary that I first said “I love you” to Julius. I said it because I meant it. Even though I was soo scared that I’d be in a long distance relationship and never hold him… or kiss, I loved him. He was soo perfect… no faults. He had a hard time saying it, but he was just nervous. Then, when I finally heard those 4 words “I love you too”… my heart exploded, I broke down crying, because it was at that moment I realized that I was once again in love… that my feelings weren’t lying, that my heart was telling me the truth. I loved Julius.

          Even tho I loved him, the thought that I’d never kiss him or hold him still ran through my heard on a daily basis. I still looked around Pittsburgh for someone long term (it was a waste of energy) and even though they all ended badly, the bright spot in my life was Julius, always, always showing his love for me.

          During this time, Julius and I were starting to develop plans for him to come down during my (planned) summer quarter and stay at the dorms with me for a week. We wanted to see each other… hold each other… kiss each other… soo badly. I was afraid of being a financial strain on him, but his passion for me.. his desire to be with him, if only for a short amount of time, was enough for him to wanna come down. Sadly, though, those plans fell through.

          April 13^th. One of the greatest days of my life. That was the day I decided enough was enough and I wanted to be in an official relationship with Julius, a man who had once been a douche and was now a perfect, beautiful angel. April 13^th wasn’t the only happy day of my life. There was the day in late july when Julius came down and stayed with me for over a week… then not even a month later I went up and spent time with him. Those trips… PROVED… that we were in much more than a long distance relationship. These trips PROVED that what we had was true love, love that will never die.

          The last day Julius was down here in the states, on the last night, I made a promise to him… to marry him, but it wasn’t until my trip up to Canada, where he got down on one knee and presented a beautiful ring to me, that I knew in my heart he wanted the same thing. I’m still pissed he beat me to the punch (regards to the ring) just kidding, baby!

          I’ve never met someone more loving, more caring, more compassionate, more beautiful, more.. perfect, in my life. No one on earth or in heaven can even BEGIN to compare to all Julius has done. We fight, we disagree, but in the end we love each other. I still once in a while cry myself to sleep, because he is soo far away and all I want is to hold him during the night, squeeze him when im cold, kiss him when I dream of his beautiful, angelic face. He is the miracle of my life, my light, my fire.

          Julius is perfect. He holds the key to my heart. He is the TRUE definition of soulmate. Nothing will ever come between us. He is my idol, my hero, my white knight… my destiny….

(lyrics from “Destiny” by Zero 7)

I lie awake 
I've gone to ground 
I'm watching porn 
In my hotel dressing gown 
Now I dream of you 
But I still believe
There's only enough for one in this 
Lonely hotel suite
The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had. 
Old moon fades into the new 
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you
When I'm weak I draw strength from you 
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood 
And when I'm down you breathe life over me 
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you 
I'm bending time getting back to you 
Old moon fades into the new 
Soon I know I'll be back with you 
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you
When I'm weak I draw strength from you 
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood 
And when I'm down you breathe life over me 
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny
When I'm weak I draw strength from you 
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood 
And when I'm down you breathe life over me 
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny
I'll fly, I'll fly home 
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

          So many songs perfectly describe us… describe you, baby… my goal is to learn them all so I can sing you… an opera. You deserve soo much baby and I wanna be your light… you’re happiness… your warmth… your soulmate. Julius, you are my everything. You bring tears of happiness and love to my eyes…

And I wait for the day when I can hold you in my arms and kiss you… and never let go.

Arourou <3 <3 <3 <3 <3